Funeral Music

How to Choose Meaningful Songs for a Funeral or Memorial Service 

Music has a way of reaching places that words cannot.

At a funeral, memorial service, or celebration of life, there may be stories you want to tell, memories you want to share, and feelings you aren't quite sure how to express. Sometimes a familiar melody can do what an entire paragraph cannot. Within just a few notes, it can bring back a person, a place, a season of life, or a memory you thought you had forgotten.

That's one reason choosing funeral music can feel surprisingly important.

But it can also feel surprisingly difficult.

Should you choose traditional funeral songs? Religious hymns? Something instrumental? Their favorite song? A piece of music that reminds you of them? And what if the song that feels most like the person you're remembering doesn't sound like "funeral music" at all?

There isn't one correct answer.

The most meaningful funeral music is usually the music that helps the people gathered remember the person who died—not simply the music that seems appropriate for a funeral.

Start With the Person You're Remembering

Before searching for lists of popular funeral songs, think about the person.

What did they listen to in the car? What music played in their home? Was there an artist they loved? A hymn they sang at church? A song they danced to with their spouse? Music from their childhood? A song everyone in the family immediately associates with them?

Those memories can often point you toward a more meaningful choice than any list of traditional funeral songs.

Sometimes the answer will be exactly what you expect. A beloved hymn may be the perfect choice for someone whose faith was central to their life.

Other times, the right song may surprise you.

Maybe Dad loved country music. Mom adored Broadway musicals. Grandpa listened to big-band records. Your sister knew every word to a particular pop song.

A funeral song does not necessarily have to be about death, heaven, grief, or saying goodbye.

Sometimes it simply needs to remind you of your beloved.

Consider the Kind of Service You're Planning

The type of gathering you're planning can help determine what music will work best.

A traditional religious funeral may include congregational hymns, sacred solos, organ music, or instrumental selections. A memorial service might allow considerably more flexibility. A celebration of life can sometimes include almost anything that reflects the personality and story of the person being remembered.

You also don't have to choose only one style.

A service might begin with quiet instrumental music as guests arrive, include a beloved hymn during the ceremony, feature a meaningful popular song during a photo tribute, and end with something uplifting.

The music can change along with the emotional rhythm of the gathering.

Think About Where the Music Will Be Used

Funeral music isn't limited to one special musical number during the service.

There are several moments when music can help shape the atmosphere.

Prelude music can play quietly while guests arrive and find their seats.

A processional song may accompany the family or casket into the service.

Hymns, solos, or special musical selections can be included throughout the ceremony.

Music can accompany a slideshow or photo tribute.

A recessional song can play as the service concludes.

And then there is the music people sometimes forget entirely: the music surrounding everything else.

That can be just as meaningful.

Don't Forget the Background Music

Background music can quietly change the feeling of an entire gathering.

Consider playing music your loved one genuinely enjoyed while guests arrive, during a visitation, at a funeral luncheon or reception, or while family and friends spend time together after the formal service.

It doesn't necessarily need to sound like traditional funeral music.

If someone loved Hawaii, gentle Hawaiian slack-key guitar music might create exactly the right atmosphere. Someone who loved gardening might be remembered in a room filled with flowers while beautiful acoustic or classical music plays quietly in the background. Someone who adored jazz might be remembered with the musicians and songs they played at home for years.

A person who loved the music of the 1950s, Broadway musicals, gospel music, classical piano, bluegrass, Motown, or the Beatles already left you clues about what might feel right.

The goal isn't simply to fill the silence.

It's to make the gathering feel a little more like your loved one.

And people may notice it without even realizing they're noticing it. Music becomes part of the atmosphere surrounding the photographs, flowers, conversations, stories, food, and memories.

Funeral Music Doesn't Always Have to Be Sad

It's easy to assume that funeral music should be solemn.

Sometimes it should be.

But grief isn't the only emotion present when people gather to remember someone. There can also be gratitude, tenderness, laughter, nostalgia, faith, and even joy.

A song that makes everyone smile because they know how much the person loved it can be every bit as appropriate as a song that makes everyone cry.

Think about what the person themselves might have chosen.

Would they have wanted everyone listening solemnly to an unfamiliar piece of music simply because it was traditionally associated with funerals?

Or would they have wanted their favorite song played one more time?

There is room for both reverence and personality.

Lyrics Matter—But They Aren't Everything

When considering a song, it's worth reading through the lyrics carefully.

A beautiful melody can sometimes contain words that don't mean quite what you thought they did. A song that sounds comforting may actually tell a very different story when you listen closely.

But don't feel that every lyric has to describe your circumstances perfectly.

A song can matter because of the memories attached to it rather than because every line applies to the loss.

If a particular song was meaningful to your family for twenty years, that history may matter far more than whether it was originally written as a memorial song.

Instrumental Funeral Music Can Be Especially Beautiful

Sometimes words feel like too much.

Instrumental music can provide emotion without telling people what they're supposed to feel.

Piano, strings, acoustic guitar, harp, organ, and orchestral arrangements can all work beautifully during a funeral or memorial service.

Instrumentals are particularly useful while guests are arriving, during moments of reflection, underneath a photo presentation, or as background music during a luncheon or reception.

You can also look for instrumental versions of songs the person loved.

A familiar melody played softly on piano or acoustic guitar may preserve the emotional connection to the original song while creating a quieter atmosphere.

Ask Family Members What They Remember

If you're having trouble choosing music, ask other people who knew your loved one well.

You may discover memories you didn't know about.

Someone might remember the song Mom always sang while cleaning the house. A sibling might know Dad's favorite album. A grandchild may remember the song Grandpa played every time they rode in his truck.

These little pieces of information can lead to wonderful choices.

They can also become stories worth sharing during the funeral itself.

Music has an extraordinary ability to hold memory. Sometimes one person remembers the song—and as soon as they mention it, everyone else remembers too.

Choose Several Songs With Different Emotional Weights

If you're using multiple pieces of music, they don't all need to create the same feeling.

In fact, it's often better if they don't.

You might begin with peaceful instrumental music, include a deeply emotional song during the service, use something hopeful near the conclusion, and play familiar favorites afterward.

That variation gives people room to experience different emotions.

A funeral doesn't have to remain in one emotional place from beginning to end.

Neither does grief.

Religious Funeral Music and Hymns

For many families, faith provides some of the greatest comfort following a death.

Traditional hymns and sacred music can express beliefs about eternal life, resurrection, God's love, heaven, and the hope of seeing someone again.

If the funeral is being held in a church or other place of worship, speak with the clergy member or funeral coordinator before finalizing your selections. Some denominations and individual congregations have guidelines about which music may be used during the formal service.

That doesn't necessarily mean other meaningful songs cannot be included elsewhere.

A favorite secular song might be perfect during a slideshow, visitation, luncheon, reception, or celebration held outside the formal religious service.

When You Want a Song That Belongs to Them

Sometimes you listen to song after song and still can't find the one you're looking for.

That's because the song you're looking for may not exist yet.

Perhaps what you really want to remember is the way your mother made ordinary days feel special, the adventures you shared with your dad, the garden your grandmother loved, the jokes your husband told, or a hundred little details that belonged specifically to the person you lost.

For families who want something more personal, a custom memorial song can turn those memories into music written specifically to honor the person being remembered.

OneSpecialSong creates personalized funeral and memorial songs from the stories and memories families provide. If an existing song doesn't quite say what you want to say, you can explore creating a personalized memorial song with OneSpecialSong.

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Give Yourself Permission to Choose What Feels Right

There are traditions surrounding funeral music, and those traditions can be beautiful.

But there is also a person at the center of all of this.

The music you choose is another way of telling their story.

It might be a hymn sung by generations of your family. It might be a classical piece they've loved since childhood. It might be the song that played at their wedding. It might be something everyone remembers hearing from the kitchen while they cooked dinner.

Or it might simply be a melody that somehow sounds like them.

You don't have to choose the song everyone else would choose.

Choose the music that helps you remember.

Because years from now, you may hear that song unexpectedly—in a restaurant, in the car, at church, or while walking through a store—and suddenly, for just a moment, there they are again.

And that is one of music's remarkable gifts.